My life, in a nutshell.

I'm gunna share a little bit about my life.

I'm 22 as you know. Born to two loving parents and 2 olders siblings. I dont remember much of my childhood, I blocked a lot out. I was molested when I was younger, so most of my childhood surrounding that, I have blocked out to protect myself in a way. I grew up rather normally, going to school getting good grades, rebelling at times and getting in trouble for those times. I started to rebel further in High School, by skipping school and I started to smoke and do drugs and drink. I also started to have sex around this time as well.

When I was 16 years old, we found out that my father had cancer. They started doing chemotherapy, they also did a surgery. The cancer came back and got worse, by the summertime I was dating someone and in love. We broke up and a couple months later, I remember the date November 25th the Home Depot was opening and my brother had gotten a job there, we went for the "family day" they were having. I was thinking as I was walking along with my Dad that in a month, he wouldnt be coming home. He was getting worse and worse daily. That morning, he called the hospice and told them he couldnt take it anymore. So for that month, myself and my family made it up there daily, I even skipped school so I could have some alone time with him. We had a family meeting with the doctor and he said that he wouldnt make it past 2weeks, he made it after that, then they said he wouldnt make it until Christmas, and he did. I got a phonecall at 5:30am December 26th from my sister, saying that we would need to get to the hospice ASAP as he was getting worse. We got to the hospice and I went to lay down, I couldnt take the crying anymore. I got woken up at 8:00am and we stayed in the room, and said our last goodbyes. I was sitting beside my mom, his eyes rolled back she screamed "NOOOOOO!!!" he looked just past her and we all said "Its ok, go to that place you saw the other day, we'll be ok". He was waiting for my Grama to come up and be with us. We told him to go, and he did. I collapsed in the room after he passed away. The next few days are such a blur, I remember the funeral, and that was the worst day of my life.

I started rebelling even more after that, I was smoking a lot at that point. Both cigarettes and pot. I started going to school though, so I could graduate. The summer after my Dad passed away, I went on vacation to my Gramas (where I am now). While I was gone, my mom met someone, my stepdad. I met him quickly on my way on another vacation with a friend and her family. I got back and got to know him and at first hate him and his kids. Then I got to know him even more and I started liking him and my stepbrother, then my other stepbro. I graduated High School and the fall after I did, I moved out on my own. I was in college and liking drinking very much as I was on my own and of age to drink I was also sleeping around quite a bit with a few people. I then moved to where I live now, that following spring. I got to know and like my stepsister. I've since gotten to know my new family better. I love them, a lot. Ever since then I've been quite stable. Not job-wise since theres hardly any jobs up there, and I was in one serious relationship with someone who I did love a lot. We had a whirlwind of a relationship, met at his rez slept together that night and the next day I left for home and we thought it was a one night stand type thing. It wasnt, "that night" turned into a relationship quite quickly. We were together for 14 months with some rocky times, including me going through something very trying, and then him going to jail. We broke up that fall due to him cheating. I dated someone else on and off from that following new year until the following fall. Since then I've been single and working on myself and my life. Basically thats me, in a nutshell. Theres so much more but thats the surface of everything.


inspired by Kandee's vlog.

Death...

I had a cousin pass away at the beginning of the month I didnt get to go home for it, which I wish I did so I could've been there for my family. Its alright that I wasnt there though, but I'm still having a bit of hard time knowing that I wont see her again, hear her laugh see her beautiful smile. I'm gunna miss her, thats for sure. I've dealt with death before, I lost my Dad a few years back in 2003. I lost my grampa before that in 2000. I've lost some friends as well. This death, since it close to home, it sucks. Just knowing that not only I will never get to talk with her again, she left behind 2 children. Whom she loved dearly, both of her kids had her whole heart. Those two, their hearts are broken forever. Her brother and sister, I wish I could've hugged them to tell them how awfully sorry I am. Her mom, my auntie, ohman. She left behind a lot of us, who cared deeply for her. They started a group on facebook, which I cant read without tearing up, looking at the pictures I tear up as well. It just, heartbreaking when you lose someone who you wish you had more time with. More time to learn about them, to talk with them. Give them a hug again and tell them you love them.

So, please take the time to tell your family & friends how much you love them and care for them. Life's too short not to. Its way to short sometimes.