-shrugs-

I feel like cutting again, I feel like crap. I feel stupid, worthless. Dumb, fat, ugly. Every worst thought I've ever had, I feel it. How wonderful it would be to just shut everything off, shut it down. Lay down and never get up again, peacefully like a catapiller in a cacoon only there would be no beautiful butterfly. Nothingness, just nothing. No pain, no ups and downs no lying about anything anymore. I wish I could do it, I cant. Too scared to leave. Too scared to leave behind the ones that "love" me. I feel tired, I feel broken again. I doubt anyone - even myself- can ever put the pieces back to where they belong. Some have just gone, others are there but too small to mend.

It hurts.

"On the happier side" Hah, I must be trying to lie to myself. It was working, not now. Nope.